On Being a Mom (of adult children)

I’ve heard moms ask, on different occasions, “When do you get to stop worrying (about your kids)?”

The truth is — you don’t. You signed up for a lifetime commitment when you became a mom.

The worrying changes, how you handle it becomes tricky.

You can hold your toddler back from running into traffic. You can tell your preteen that you don’t like their choice of friends and you can take away privileges. You can put them in timeout when they’re young and ground them when they’re older. That’s how you teach them safe from unsafe and right from wrong.

And then they turn eighteen. Maybe they think they’re ready to be adults. Maybe they’re smart enough to realize that they need your wisdom. Then they start the process of becoming adults. But they’re still your kid, right? Yesterday they were seventeen and today they’re eighteen. That’s the only change you see. You hope that the lessons that you taught them stay with them. You know there are no guarantees.

But the process begins then. Your child faces some of the same struggles that you, as a mom, face, only from a different perspective. They have to start making some important decisions on their own and you have to let them. They begin to make mistakes and you can’t step in and fix them. Sometimes they make choices that  you don’t agree with, but you have to step back and let them travel their own journey to adulthood.

And gradually they become adults, real adults with real careers and real adult obligations and they handle it all. And you wonder when it happened. I mean, weren’t you just kissing boo boos and reading Little House books to them?

Guess what… They will always be your children. You won’t always like their choices, but if you’re wise you will keep your opinion to yourself unless asked. You’ll sometimes wish they traveled their journey down a different path, but if you’re wise you won’t let them know unless they ask. You’ll always wish you could fix their mistakes, but you can’t. You will always want them to have the most perfect smooth life, but you just can’t. And sometimes that’s the hardest part of being a mom of an adult child.

And you will always always worry.

oldies 001 (19)

Advertisements

Monday Musings (on Tuesday)

A day late…I know.

I was actually home for most of yesterday too.

I got up yesterday morning and was getting ready to start my day, which I always do before I turn on the tv or get online. So I was surprised when Jamie texted telling me I could go back to bed. The training she was supposed to go to was canceled, as was school at both her district and the district her little guy attends. Well, alrighty then. I crawled back into bed. I mean, who am I to argue? I dozed off and on, but finally decided that I needed to get up and go get my grocery shopping done before Jim left to go to a meeting (and taking our car). Jim suggested that if he went with me that I could take him to breakfast. Again…who am I to argue? Grocery shopping done, half a veggie omelet to start the day (I always save half for Duke), Jim gone to a meeting, and a closet needing some organization. 

Well, half a closet. The other half will get done today because once again schools are canceled and I have a day free from babysitting. I found a whole box of unread books. I wondered what happened to them and thought I must have accidentally given them away. Logic would tell you that I should go ahead and get rid of them since I didn’t even know I had them. Nope. They went back in the closet with the hope that I will not forget them when I’m in need of something to read.

And I found a box of Laura Ingalls Wilder-related books. It contains some of the pre-Little House books that I have set aside for when I have grandchildren and some duplicates of books I already have. I thought it was out in our shop attic. Now I’m wondering if I have a whole ‘nother box of Laura Ingalls Wilder-related books out in the shop attic too. Yikes. This is all besides the LIW-related books that I have on my bookshelves. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more aware of boxes of stuff just packed away that my husband and kids will have to go through after I’m gone. I’m trying to avoid that as much as possible. There are two LIW-related topics that I hope to do some more research/learning about and I think that everything else, except for special items and souvenirs, will be passed on to those who might like them. This will be an ongoing project.

I’ve been writing this post, with several interruptions, for about three hours and have yet to start on that second half of the closet. I should probably quit putting it off.

One last thing about the closet. I also went through a couple of files and boxes and organized them into one file box. It’s one little sub-chapter of a chapter of my life that I’m putting behind me. I was a little sad about it, but with some new realizations I really know that I made the right decision. After all, I didn’t put the WHOLE chapter behind me so it’ll still make me happy. Just in a different way.

Okay…I’m not putting it off any longer. I’m going back in!

Have a nice day. Stay warm. Or not (if you’re lucky enough to be enjoying better weather than we are). Be happy. Have a good attitude. Believe me, it helps.

 

 

Monday Musings – Jan. 13, 2014

As begins any new year (in my teen thru adult life), I tend to reevaluate the past year and what I have done with my life thus far. Then I decide that THIS is the year that I will become who I was meant to be. I’m not sure why I always think that who I am now is not who I’m meant to be, but I suspect it has to do with not being totally satisfied with myself and my accomplishments. Don’t get me wrong! I’m very happy and feel quite blessed with the life that I have. It’s just that I know there’s always room for improvement.

I always thought that my life should be full. Full of work of some sort, of hobbies and volunteering. And I still do…to a point.

I’ve been thinking a lot about exactly what I want to do with my time here on earth. I certainly don’t feel old and hope that I have many more years left, but there are no guarantees. I’ve always wanted to make a difference and I still do, but in a different way. In a more simple way. In my own way.

Maybe it has to do with losing a good friend at such a  young age nearly a year ago. Maybe it’s the passing of others who I’ve known that were gone before (what we thought was) their time. Maybe it’s seeing friends that have had to prioritize what they’re doing in their lives because of illnesses, causing them to have to give things up that have meant so much to them, having to devote their energy simply to living.

If I were to die tomorrow or become ill, what would I NOT want to leave undone?

Yep, sometimes I overthink things.

My life has changed in the past few months. I have added responsibilities that I really never thought I’d have. When I celebrated my birthday this past November, I started thinking about how I want to be remembered. And it isn’t exactly what I always thought it would be.

I did a lot of soul searching and made some decisions. I felt that it was time to reorganize my life. To that end, I’ve given up a couple of  (what I thought were) my dreams and have said good-bye to some projects that at one time were very dear to me. And I stepped down from a position that I truly loved.

In some ways, I’m sure it sounds selfish to say that I want to do my own things for a while, but that’s not really what it’s all about. I haven’t given everything up, so it isn’t going to be all about me. I am a wife and mother (no matter how old my kids are), sometimes (and hopefully one day – forever) a grandmother. Jim and I still have our business to run and the obligations that we are involved with that are related to our industry. I am committed to those obligations as long as Jim is to his. That goes hand in hand. As long as my daughter is a foster parent (and even after she adopts), I will be babysitting at least part time. Who knows, maybe other grandchildren will come along too. And I do want to have some time to do my own things! I want to read, write, and do some research projects. I want to cross stitch and work on some other crafting projects. And I hope that, through some of those things, I will be making a difference. Just in a different way.

Believe me, I am well aware that what I’ve done is a drop in the bucket compared to the service that many many others that I know have given of themselves. I used to think that I couldn’t just be an observer, that I had to be a participant. But I also feel that after more than 25 years of chairing, leading, serving and working both behind the scenes and at the forefront, I deserve to step back. For now.

And so I have.

As soon as WordPress fixes their glitch, I will add the photo that I’m trying to put right here.

 

Duke… and aging.

Duke here.

My parents need help. They really do. This is a conversation I heard recently while they were watching tv before going to sleep:

Mom: I just watched this show the other day. Is this abc (meaning the tv channel)?
Dad: I don’t know
Mom (noticing the little abc icon in the corner of the screen): It is. It’s channel 7.
Dad: I think it’s channel 7.
Mom: What?
Dad: Channel 7.
Mom: I just said that.
Both: Laaaughing.

This happens often.

Duker-day...and nothing much

Just Some Thoughts on a Thursday

I’ve been thinking (I believe I’ve mentioned before how my family hates when I say that) and I have some thoughts:

I’m exhausted right now. Our power went out last night. Our power rarely goes out. Even during the great power outage of 2003 (I think) , our power was only out for about eight hours. I consider us lucky. But the past two days were hot ones and our non air conditioned house had gotten pretty uncomfortable. I was hoping for a nice breeze to help us sleep without our fan, but it was not happening. Oh well, makes me more thankful for something simple like my oscillating tower fan, which we probably won’t even need tonight because a cold front has moved in. I cannot sleep if I can’t see what time it is so I can’t even guess how many times I put my glasses on to look at my cell phone to see the time.

I’m really happy that our work necessitates the use of a generator that my husband kindly hooked up so that I could shower last night. Because he knows what’s really important to me! And then he turned all the power off to the house so we didn’t know that the power came back on about 2:45 (which is what I found out this morning from our son). I could have gotten a solid three hours of sleep! When I woke Jim up at 6 to let him know that our yard light was on which meant our power was on and he got up to turn the house power on, he then said that now we could sleep with the fan on. “What sleep?” I asked. “It’s time for me to get up!” He and Duke slept in because neither of them had slept much either. Lucky them. I can’t complain. He had a full tough job to get done today.

Facebook. I’ve been on facebook a lot less lately thanks to my new job, but I do still hit it up a couple of times or so a day. I comment occasionally, not usually expecting a response, but I do have to say that I made a comment not too long ago and I did expect it to be responded to, much like the subsequent comments were on the same thread. Oh well, the next response back from me would have contained an offer of help. So if you’re one of my 171 friends (no I do not know that off hand, had to go look) (and don’t automatically think I’m talking about you because I’m pretty sure you don’t read my blog) and my family has done several favors for you, but have stopped… take a look inside your own self because there’s a reason. I’m not usually this way about kindnesses or favors, but honestly there IS a reason. And there IS a limit. Sorry.

It’s now 60 degrees and raining. I plan to be in a better mood tomorrow. 🙂

 

 

September 11, 2013

As it happens now every September 11, I think back to this day twelve years ago. I relive it. The horror. I relive it…

I was going to leave my page silent today, but decided to share my post from 9-11-11.

This morning I worked and I spent time playing with a certain little boy who will have no memory of the actual day. Isn’t that weird? I doesn’t seem enough time has passed that there are so many children who will have no memory of the day. My niece wrote about it on her blog.

Do a good deed today…

 

Duke… and things will never be the same.

Duke here.

Something’s changed around here. I have to be honest. I’m not sure how much I like it yet.

A little boy comes to our house every. single. day.

My mom seems to pay more attention to him than she does to me, although I have to admit that she tries to make it up to me after he goes home.

They watch strange shows on tv now.

0827130945

 

There are toys all over the house and my mom keeps bringing home MORE! Although I have to admit that she did remember to bring me a nice chew bone when she went grocery shopping.

And there is a plus –

0827131004If you are allowed to hang around when he’s eating, there’s always a chance that something tasty will get dropped on the floor. And then we all know it’s fair game!