Home » Journal » Monday Musings – 6/10/13

Monday Musings – 6/10/13

We’ve had a few jobs in Emmett lately. It’s farther than we used to travel, but the economy and times have changed (and well drillers retire or pass away with not as many new ones to replace them). We travel further for jobs these days.

I lived in Emmett for a couple of years in the late 70s. All it took was a couple of years to both fulfill a dream and throw it away.

I was 15 when we settled into our new life “in the country” where I would start anew, have a horse farm, make some new horsey friends. I doggedly pursued that dream too.
But things quickly fell apart. I’ll never really know why I let it happen, but I changed. That change lead me to a young marriage and a teenage pregnancy (in that order). It also lead to a … bad marriage. A marriage that I was smart enough to leave before it got worse. I ended up having to give up my horses. It was time to grow up and I wasn’t in a position to include horses in that new grown-up life.

Sometimes I look back on that time with lots of regret for how horribly I had ruined it all and how deeply I had hurt my parents. My parents forgave me long long ago, but it took much longer for me to forgive myself.

Last week I found myself in my old neighborhood after dropping Jim off a few miles away from where I once lived. Instead of heading home, I decided to drive past the old homestead. Things have changed.

The farm field there to the left – it was fenced in and was part of a dairy farm when we lived there. Often the cows would escape. They once ate our entire garden…except for my dad’s hot peppers. Anyhow the cows are gone and crops are being grown now. Our old house is just on the other side of the trees. I didn’t want to stop and take pictures in front of the house. But I could see our old garage that my dad and I had converted into a little barn. It’s there close to the road!

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I’m surprised it’s still standing. There was a newer garage just to the left of the barn that housed our hay, straw, and special blend of horse feed. Oh! The smell of it all was glorious! How I long to hear again the soft nicker from my horse greeting me early in the morning. Or the louder whinny of one who was a little impatient for breakfast. Oh! How I miss it all!

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I turned around and drove past another time slowly with those memories, both good and bad, floating around in my head. And tears welling up and overflowing. I drove on, so  many thoughts and some regrets, but a lot of good memories that I will hold onto forever. I need to hold onto those memories!

Then I came back to the road where I had dropped Jim off and he was just pulling out onto the main road to head home. I was right behind him as he drove along and then as we stopped for a train that was halted on the tracks I could see him looking into the side view mirror wondering why I was now behind him when I had dropped him off and headed home a good little while earlier.

He may have thought I stopped here for some new shoes. This place is next to a gas station in Emmett. It wasn’t around when I lived in the area.

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I followed him home and thought of how I had traveled down a rough road for a time. I have regrets for some of the things that I did, but I can have no regrets for the journey itself because I ended up with blessings for which I am forever thankful. And that journey lead me to exactly where I was meant to be…

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13 thoughts on “Monday Musings – 6/10/13

  1. We can’t go back and change the past. But you are right- it all led to where you are now. It helped to make you who you are today. And that is a wonderful and sweet person.

  2. You have had a lot of strength to pull yourself out of the decisions – never doubt that.
    I moved when I was 7 across the school district, though we still went to church across the street. It wasn’t an easy move for me, maybe I’ll blog about it sometime. The people who moved in had a daughter who became one of my youth, but they sold the house. We changed campuses of our church. I was at a graduation party this weekend. There was a slideshow and in one of the pictures you could see “my” house in the background. Why must they park so many cars there? There were 3 trucks parked on the front lawn!

  3. All those choices and decisions made you who are are today and put you in the right place when you needed to be there, right in Jim’s path!

  4. Yes, that’s how I’ve kept from being wracked with guilt. If life would have gone the way I’d planned I never would have been where I am now. And thank you. YOU are sweet and a good friend!

  5. Yes, I think the same dorky person I always was stayed inside me and that lead me back to the person I really was and that’s what lead me to the life I have now. I am thankful for my blessings. 🙂

  6. I really enjoyed reading this post. It so wonderfully describes how the rough spots in the road can end up leading us to where we are supposed to be–and how we should appreciate both the challenges and the good things that occur during the journey to get there.

I would love to hear what you think!

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