I worry. You can tell me that worrying doesn’t change anything and I realize that it doesn’t. You can tell me to give it over to God and I do try, I really do. I’m still going to worry. I just am. When I was a little girl, I worried about everything. Now I’m a big girl and I worry about most everything. I’m not going to change so don’t bother trying. I even worry that if I don’t worry enough then something bad is surely going to happen. It’s one of my traits that you have to learn to love.
Don’t get me wrong. I do not obsess about it and it does not paralyze me and I am much better than I used to be. I have not let it stop me from experiencing life, although I will admit that it does sometimes limit me. However, I have never let my anxiety stop my children from having some great adventures. They have been on countless school or scout trips. They were both able to travel to Europe as teenagers. And they both lived out of state. Did I worry? You bet! But I would never have allowed that to stop them from some lifelong memories.
So you would wonder how I could concern myself with ordinary everyday worries? Well, there’s still so much to worry about. Let me offer an example…
It was a snow day here yesterday (it was for ice, actually). All of our local schools were cancelled. That means almost nothing to me anymore as my kids are adults. When they were growing up, a snow day meant cozy fun. It meant an unexpected day off from the every day worries of school. And then if Jim stayed close to home and worked in his shop, that made the day golden for me.
Now I stress about road conditions, about snow and ice, about other drivers. I don’t always have to worry about my daughter. She’s a teacher. Snow days usually mean no work for her, which is what happened yesterday. Then of course, there are those days when her school district chooses not to close and it takes her three times her normal drive time to get to work. That happened just last week when her district was the only one in the area that didn’t close. Of course, the roads were the worst during morning drive time. A two hour delay would have been nice.
I do have to worry about my son. He has to leave for his job bright and early every morning. There are no snow days for him. And so, on mornings like yesterday, I worry. And I’m not above texting him either, which is probably a little funny as I truly do not know what he’s doing 24 hours a day. I’m fairly sure there are times when I don’t want to know what he’s up to! But I do know when he’s going to work. And I do try not to expect him to interrupt his work day with a text to his mom letting me know he’s okay, but I am glad when he does.
And then throw into the mix my son’s girlfriend who lives near her college. She would think I’m a little wacky if I started checking on her. So I just have to worry about her too.
So yesterday when I knew that my daughter was safely at home and my son was safely at work and I assumed that his girlfriend was safely where she needed to be, I worried a little less. But then, my husband was in and out and here and there and out on the roads all day and of course I worried about him.
I didn’t venture outside till early afternoon so here’s my view of our backyard out the window. We had snow, then it snowed some more, then we got freezing rain, then it rained off and on the rest of the day with fog setting in in the afternoon into evening. Yep, it’s Michigan!