I have tried and failed at many things.
Later this year, I will turn 50 and I’m tired of trying and failing.
I feel as if, over the past couple of years, I have been able to find myself again. That brings me great peace. It has helped me learn to live my life the way that I want to and accept myself. I call it “embracing my inner dorkiness” 🙂
So what if I absolutely love Laura Ingalls Wilder, folk/pop music, being square, horses (even if I’ll never have one again)? I could go on and on…
I have decided to try to simplify my life. In small ways. I don’t mean that I’m getting rid of all of my worldly possessions! I love many of my worldly possessions. It’s those things that I have stored away, that I haven’t used in at least a year, that I just don’t love.
I have simplified many of my routines. I agonize over my hair. I’m done with that. Simple hairstyle. My hair is fine and mostly straight and I can’t get it to do other things so I’m wearing a simple neat, clean hairstyle. I’ve simplified my make-up routine. I’ve simplified my wardrobe and my jewelry. Don’t get me wrong – I’m simplifying, not getting rid of! I’ve simplified my housekeeping, making it easier to keep a clean, neat home. I’m trying to set aside time everyday to do my business bookwork instead of doing it all at one time. All of this, of course, while accepting that I am on call all day and into the evening when Jim needs help on a job.
My weight has been a constant source of stress in my life. I sometimes think that I could be completely happy if I were thinner. Last year, I started Weight Watchers and was doing well, but I let some stresses take over and I fell back into old ways (I take full responsibility). I have decided not to diet, but to make some changes that will result in a healtier me. I know that dieting is what I should do, but I need to have some peace in my life right now.
Another big thing: complaining. I complain too much. Sometimes I complain that I complain too much! 🙂 It’s a hard habit to break. I’m having a tough time trying to figure out how to change this after a lifetime…
We usually go to church on Saturday evening, if not then early mass on Sunday morning. Sometimes we miss, I admit it, but I feel so much better when we experience our faith together with the rest of our church. This past weekend, Saturday got away from us, so we went yesterday morning. When we joined hands to say the “Our Father”, a feeling came over me. Such peace and contentment. It was wonderful and I was able to carry it with me for the rest of the day. It is what I have been searching for in my life! That is why I have made these changes and am trying to learn to accept me as I am, while always trying to be a better me.