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Another new beginning

I started a diet today! I honestly have not officially dieted in a very long time. Sure, I’d decided that I needed to make better food choices and take my daily walk, but something would come along and I’d stop paying attention. I haven’t always been overweight. I have gained most of my weight in the first 10 or so years after I had my son 20 years ago. Then I seemed to settle in. Sometimes I’d lose a little, but when I gained it back I never went over this certain number. Well, this week I went over that number. Not sure why. I don’t feel as if I’ve been eating more or that I’ve been less active. I started taking a new medication, but I only have to take it for a few days a month so – who knows. I just feel different lately. Like my weight is really affecting me. I know it has for years. I’m very overweight. But somehow it’s just been different lately. I feel so heavy and doing things are just so much more difficult. My weight has never stopped me from doing life’s everyday things. I feel like it is now, for the first time ever. It’s time… I’ve said that before and have never stuck with anything. I’m hoping. I’m praying that this time will be different. I need to do this. I want to be healthy. I don’t want to feel like people are staring at me and judging me. I don’t want to have to worry about fitting. Those turnstiles that you sometimes have to go through to enter an event. I have to go sideways. Sometimes I have to squeeze into restaurant booths. When I have flown I’ve always worried that the airlines would tell me that I have to buy another seat. I can’t find clothes that fit me that I like. I want to be normal. I just want to be normal! So, a while ago a friend asked me if I’d tried Weight Watchers. I had years ago when I had much less weight to lose. Things got busy and I stopped going to meetings. I checked into it a few weeks ago and just haven’t worked up enough courage to go to a meeting. Yesterday, I decided to try it online for a while. I know it would be better to go in person and have that support and encouragement, but, I don’t know. I want to say that this is so private for me, but here I am blogging about it! But it is. It’s something I want to try on my own. If I need to I’ll go to a meeting. For now, I figure this is better than doing nothing. I want to stick with it this time. I really do. I’m worried that I won’t though. I know that there are triggers that cause me to eat. I really think mostly it’s boredom. If I’m busy I don’t think about it. If I’m working at my desk or doing housework I’ll snack. Jim and I go out to eat a lot. I need to make better choices either way. Ha, maybe I’ll blog whenever I get the urge to snack. There may be many, many blogs from now on, if I do that! It’s time. It’s really time. I’ve starting doing different things lately. Things that I’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t taken the time. Jim and I decided that we wanted to do more things. Go to museums, concerts, local events, even travel a little by ourselves. I want to not have to worry about my weight stopping me and, most of all, I want to be here to do those things. I have allowed myself to be happy for the past few months. Losing the weight is just a piece in the puzzle. My happiness puzzle…

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